Sexual Harassment Resources for Parents of Pre-Teens and Teens
“Your daughter wants to go to a movie… with some friends. In these types of environments, the parent will naturally put up the defenses. But most parents typically put their guard down when they drop their kid off at school.”
- Father of a survivor of dating abuse (from the ChooseRespect film for parents)
Did you know that in one year, almost half of the students in a middle school or high school will be sexually harassed at least once?!
(Data collected by the 2011 study, Crossing the Line, 2011. To access the complete study for free, complete the linked form.)
As a parent, you have a lot of power to make a difference in your child’s school.
Opportunities to take action as a parent:
Speak to your child’s school – especially administrators, but teachers too.
Find out how they handle sexual offenses and harassment. Take a look at the school district’s Code of Conduct for detailed descriptions of exactly what rules they have against such offenses. (See links to local school districts’ Codes of Conduct at the end of this page.)
Demand answers from your school board.
How are they preventing sexual offenses in their district? What do they know about the actual implementation of sex education in their schools?
Do you have questions? Ask SARA!
Know the difference between sexual harassment and bullying.
.
Do You Know Which Child is Yours?
Someone who hurts others…?
What we know about bullies and harassers:
They lack true empathy for others – an ability to have compassion for another person by seeing things from the other person’s perspective
They know how to come across as the ‘good kid’ and are often well-liked by adults and popular peers
They assume people of the other gender are there for their pleasure, and are not humans with complete rights and lives of their own
They have been exposed to pop-culture versions of sexuality (TV, movies, magazines, internet), but do not have an adult in their lives who has talked frankly with them about truly healthy sexuality
They have difficulty handling rejection
Some have problems with anger management
They tend to have viewed more pornography than the average person their age
They tend to mock the pain of others
…Or someone who stands up for others?
What we know about active bystanders:
They have strong empathy for others – even people they do not know
They believe that every human being deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, no matter what
They understand that people can hurt each other, but that people can also protect each other
They know adults who they can trust in case they need to report something they witnessed
They feel a sense of personal responsibility for choosing good friends, and for standing up to their friends if they are hurting others
As adults, we tend to remind kids that they are responsible for their own behavior. This is true, and it is an important lesson. However, we also need to be clear with them that, if they are a bystander in a potentially harmful situation, while the person doing the harm (perpetrator) is responsible for her/his own behavior, the bystanders are also responsible for doing whatever they can – safely – to intervene. This is a difficult distinction for young people to make, so it is important for parents to be consistent. At many schools, we find that many students feel, since it’s just the perpetrator’s fault, that as a bystander they hold no responsibility, and it’s ‘not my problem’. This attitude leaves victims entirely vulnerable to sexual coercion, harassment, and all kinds of violence.